Sake it to me, baby.

It was one of my best friends ideas for me to go on a date. Well, actually, that’s not 100% true. I was talking to a friend of mine who had moved out of Buffalo, and told him that the ex and I had broken up. His first reaction was to be upset that he and I had never had sex (sorry, dude); the second reaction was that he had a friend back in Buffalo who was single and really cool. I got his name, Ted*, and stalked him on the book of face. Turns out, we had a few friends in common, and I recognized him from back when I worked on-campus. He was cute, and seemed cool based on what I gleaned from social media. I texted one of my bestest lady friends, Ashera, who also knew him. She immediately approved of this situation. “He’s a really cool guy! And super nice. I can’t think of anyone who could say something bad about him. And he has likes cats.” Well, that was easy enough.

I told my OOS guy friend to go ahead and see if Ted would be interested. He was! I was a little bit shocked, to be honest. This was merely a few days after the dead ex-girlfriend incident (see post below this one, entitled “Margaritas on a Tuesday”). I was given his phone number, and proceeded to text him. We became friends on the book of face. Oh, and this was all going down during a sex toy party being thrown at my apartment. So I had a gaggle of women around me encouraging me to talk to him, go for it, your ex sounds like a horrible douchebag, etc. I was also a bit drunk, which helped calm my nerves just a tiny bit. Ted agreed to meet me for sushi that upcoming week. The ladies all congratulated me, and we celebrated by drinking even more and twerking around my apartment. It was a fabulous night.

To say I was nervous would be a serious understatement. This was my first official “first date” in years. I did all of the stereotypical stupid girl shit. I tried on all my clothes and had my roommates weigh in to pick out the perfect outfit. I raced home from work the day of, to make sure I would have time to primp and perfect every last stupid detail, from my hair to which pair of boots look best with this dress, are you sure? Positive? Because this decision could make or break everything. The minutiae are the important part of a first date, after all. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but aren’t we all guilty of this? I wish I could say that, by now, these nerves and the pressure have eroded, but sadly that is not the case. I get terrified before every first date to this day, but this was the worst by far. I screamed multiple times in my car just to release the pressure. It sort of helped. Ashera told me to calm down; I’m just going to make a new friend. That’s all. She has given this advice to me hundreds of times by now.

Ted was already at the restaurant when I arrived. He stood up to greet me, which I thought showed character and a generally nice attitude. The date went well, I think. He tried sake at my insistence. I don’t think he enjoyed it, but shit, he was willing to give it a shot. He was trying to maintain a healthier diet and hadn’t really eaten a lot of Japanese food before. I love Asian food, particularly Japanese and sushi, so I helped as best I could. We had good conversation; a few awkward pauses but I figured that was normal for an almost-blind date. He was sweet; he offered me his leftover sushi and didn’t check his phone once. He paid. I was impressed because, overall, I got a nice vibe and had a good time. We hugged outside the restaurant, and I went home quite pleased.

My roommates, Jackie and Maddie, and Maddie’s boyfriend Andrew, were home drinking wine and hanging out in the living room. I explained every damn detail, and they drank it up, along with a lot of wine. Andrew was particularly impressed. “What? He sounds like a gentleman! This is what you needed! I love him. I love him. He’s great. I love him.” I was trying to not freak out any harder than I was. The date had gone well. Now what? Shit. I hadn’t prepared for this possibility. Andrew told me the time after the first date was particularly important to play “the game.” “Text him saying you had a nice time, and then don’t text him until he texts you first. Just wait.”

I am an impatient person. I have a lot of good qualities, but patience is not one of them. I am of the immediate gratification sway, which is why I’m bad with money and terrible at planning ahead. I texted him saying I had a good time, and tried not to say anything for a few days. I am really, really bad at this aspect of the “dating game.” The whole “if you like them, don’t talk to them for a while. Make them miss you.” Bitch, what the hell is the point of that? I don’t like games. I don’t like having to wait or make people wait to prove a point. Again, I am impatient. If I like you, I want to tell you immediately. I want to talk to you all the time. It is pretty easy for me to tell if I like someone or not; usually within the first ten or so minutes of discussion, I figure it out. There are exceptions to this rule. But by and large, no matter how I feel about you, I figure it out pretty fucking quickly.

Apparently, in a fit of pique sometime between then and now, I deleted our old conversations from my phone. So while I don’t know exactly when I texted him again, I know I texted first to ask him to hang out that upcoming weekend. There was a “birthday party” for Lou Reed at one of my favorite bars, and Ashera and I were going. I figured that would be okay; invite him along to hang out with a mutual friend and maybe it wouldn’t be too awkward to text him first to get together again. Ted responded that he had plans already, but that he would let me know when he was free again to hang out. Ashera assured me this was a good sign, and to just let it be. I did. We went to the bar that weekend, I may have met someone there and that might be a story for another time (it totally is).

The day after the party, I went to Wegmans to get groceries. I bought everything organic, gluten-free, etc, in an attempt to start a healthier diet. I still do this sometimes. I go through phases. I’m not perfect. Anyway, I texted him about my outrageous grocery bill for trying to buy all healthy food. He responded in the affirmative, since this was something he was struggling with too. And then I never heard from him. I texted him later that week, to ask about getting together again. No response. I had the courage to call once, and the voicemail was full, and he never called back. Ashera and her boyfriend, also named Andrew, thought this was strange, and insisted something was probably wrong with his phone. His roommate, Jamie, also a friend of Ashera’s, couldn’t explain it either. “He just doesn’t want to get laid, I guess,” is what Jamie told Ashera. He went inexplicably ghost like Swayze. I don't know why. Maybe I was just too excited, or too fresh off a relationship. He could probably smell it on me. Ted was technically the first ghost, but he has certainly not been the last.

Now, almost a year later, he and I remain friends on the book of face. We occasionally comment on things or like one another’s posts, but by and large that is it. We actually had an encounter a few months later, in a night I can only describe as fucking ridiculous, and which I will detail in a future post. I think we are cool now. If I were to run into him again, I wouldn’t have any issues. It just didn’t work out, and that’s fine. Ted, if you’re reading this (and there’s a good likelihood that you are), hi. I hope Buffalo is being kind to you, and that your cat is doing well.

*Not his real name.